freeze

Today I learned that some Russian scientists made a polymer sheet thingy that, by providing a handy matrix, helps water freeze solid instead of making slush and chunks. You could theoretically dump a bunch of this stuff out of an airplane and get parts of the Arctic to stop coming apart, and then the increased ice will reflect more sunlight, and we'll get out of the feedback loop whereby the more ice you melt, the faster the rest of it melts.

I must admit that this kind of research sounds terribly entertaining to conduct (to this nerd anyway), but it makes me imagine the mariner guy from Waterworld floating around on a nifty boat made of fancy polymer sheets. Or, better yet, some future researcher trying to crack the code his ancestors left on those high-tech stone tablets.

writing while pollution/pollen addled

Today I learned that 'isotopical' is a word if you're into topology, and I'm starting to be pretty sure that you can't get mycotoxins out of the rolled edges of aluminum pans simply by soaking them in ammonia. Unfinished wood isn't fairing too well, either, but only if it was near the epicenter of the mold problem, i.e., the wooden spoons from the kitchen with the moldy ceiling suck, but the dining room chairs seem like they'll be ok someday.

stupidity by inhalant

Today I didn't really learn anything that wasn't weather- and pollution-related, but I unpacked a box that contained my old cake stand and five glass bowls ranging in size from pretty small to enormous. Apparently that's all it takes to make me happy.

Well, that and the fact that wearing a respirator to save me from the box contents also saved me from the pollution, so I got to hang around outside today. I like outside.

all about the weather

Today I learned that three of the four pollution indicators people tend to care about were in the 'moderate' category here today, and that would explain some things. Conditions probably won't change a whole lot over the next couple of days.

And no one really needs to know this except those of us who live here.

tortoises and hydraulic brakes

Today I learned that you can offer to house one of Arizona's captive tortoises, but you have get your tortoise area approved first, which apparently can be difficult. I was considering going to the information session tomorrow to learn more about tortoise habitats, except the other thing I learned is that people with malfunctioning hydraulic brakes on their bikes need brake fluid to repair them, and that's not readily accessible at 9:30 on Friday night unless you're willing to go into a Walmart, which we're not.

I could have justified going and pestering tortoise experts if there were a bike ride in the offing near them, but now it looks like the bike ride will be late and local, and anyway, tortoise experts can probably be tormented by phone.

Also, if you come across one of those gray, stretchy hose socks for your central vac hose, do not wash the chemical smell out in your washing machine. Whatever chemical is in there is really hard to get back out of the washing machine, and I learned that by contaminating not one, but three different loads of laundry after running the machine empty three times with baking soda, vinegar, and water, respectively. So far I've washed each load six times; I can report improvement but not yet success.

ammonia, ammonia, ammonia

Today I learned that I can have one of my wood dining room chairs in the house, but I don't know if it was letting it sit outside for a couple of months offgassing storage area chemicals, wiping it with 10% ammonia, or a combination of the two that did the trick. Whatever it is, I'm looking forward to having real furniture in the house soon.

In related news, we successfully ran a dishwasher load of mixed old and new dishes without contaminating anything, so I now have that problem where you have three 9"x12" cake pans because you went around combining kitchens.

That's a terrible problem - life is hard sometimes. Maybe we'll have cake*.


* Ok, not really. I actually use those pans for making three-ingredient granola, and who could eat a whole pan of cake anyway?

impedimentia to travel

Today I learned that the virtual fence around here was just a practice fence, so never mind. The only other thing I learned is that I may have felt better a couple of days ago with the house pressurizer off because pollen was getting in through the filter, but if I leave it off for a couple of days, the pollen that was getting in through the filter gets into the bedroom, and that's not so good, either.

braids, ammonia, and plagues

Today is Earth Day, but since we already know ethanol is evil and plastics will kill us, we're going to talk about hair and makeup. See, there's this AP article about how the polygamist ladies wear funny-looking long dresses, no makeup, and, horror of horrors, french braids, which get their own special quote:

Allison Berlin, founder of Style Made Simple, doesn't expect FLDS-inspired fashion to go mainstream.

"Women don't actually want to look like that," she says. "I can see the Brooklyn hipsters rocking a French braid, but not in a serious way. Maybe ironically."

My only comment, having rocked a French braid off and on since about 1990, is that style reporters should get out of New York once in a while and visit the real world, where a good braid implies not only manual dexterity, but an ability to do something besides just look like the fashion magazines tell you to.

In other news, we gave up and started scrubbing our old dishes that were exposed to stachybotris in 10% ammonia, and that appears to be taking the mycotoxins off (they're passing the no-chest-pain sniff test), so ammonia does work, but you have to get a high enough concentration. Maybe you don't need 10%, but I don't want to have to do this again.

Speaking of ammonia, I may have mentioned the mold plague theory, where every few centuries mold becomes a bigger problem than it had been, and you end up with starvation because all the food rots, or Salem witch trials or something. This theory could explain why we're having so much trouble these days with bad molds like stachybotris, which didn't seem to be much of an issue 25 years ago, but I have a new theory: back when everybody cleaned their houses with ammonia, they killed off the mold in their houses before it could get started. Now, everybody has been trained by cleaning product companies to think that if there isn't some kind of petroleum-based, fakey flowery stench involved, stuff isn't clean, and then they don't use ammonia. Ammonia kills mold; fakey flowery stuff doesn't, and a growing number of people are pretty sure Clorox actually encourages it. Therefore, our current mold plague is due entirely to fakey-flowery-smelling cleaning products, so artificial, petroleum-based, fragranced products will kill you.

pirates, stamina, and toxicology

Today I learned that Port Royal, Jamaica, sank in 1692, which makes it a great place to play underwater archaeologist.

In other news, I learned that I can physically handle a 16-hour day that includes things like a serious bike ride, electrical work, and, at the end, a dinner party. The thing is that I'm not good for anything the next day, so it all averages out.

And in non-death news, sort of, here's how your detoxification system is supposed to work.

party on, dude

Today I learned something about a reusable feminine hygiene product that, because I have stayed up way past my bedtime, I don't think I can accurately and tastefully describe here just now.

I am still up for death and destruction, however, so here you go: all our crops will fail and we're all gonna die because pollution is fixing it so the bees can't smell the flowers.

Sleep well.

death in the grass, pill bottles, and my house

Today I learned that nylon artificial turf has so much lead in it that people are closing playing fields and suggesting that people wash their contaminated clothing separately. If non-EIs are talking about washing stuff separately to avoid contamination, I'm glad I never went to sniff any fake grass.

In other news, taking vitamins A and E and beta-carotene will kill you, but not vitamin C, and shockingly, pharmaceuticals have side effects.

If you're me, pollen in combination with a hormone reaction and trying a little bit of cortisone cream will give you scary heart-attack symptoms, so I'm trapped in the small bedroom with the big air cleaner for a few days, which is probably good because then there will be nothing to do except edit, and I'm behind.

take off a little more, lady

Today we learned that it's not only the ladies at the deli counter at Basha's who don't understand tenths of a pound. The lady we talked to at Whole Foods couldn't handle it, either. They seem to be able to handle a half a pound, but if you go ask for four tenths of a pound of something, they have no idea how to measure that.

So I'm assigning homework: the next time you go to the grocery store, go ask the standard middle-aged deli lady if she would be able to measure out 0.40 lbs of something, and report back what she says.

This assignment will reveal the answer to one, but maybe both, of these important questions:
1. Is this mathematical illiteracy widespread?
2. Do I have any readers with the ability, time, and inclination to go pester deli ladies?

Thank you so much for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you.*


* It just slipped out. I've been fantasizing about sending out job applications.

a bummer and cockroaches

Today I learned that our ex-houseguest is leaving town permanently. I can't blame him - desert pollen here treats him like East Coast mold treats me, so I'd be leaving, too. It's just a bummer.

In other news, flour beetles and fruit flies survive radiation better than cockroaches (youtube).

puncturing things and killer consumer items

Today I learned how to drill a hole in the garage ceiling with a hole saw. Thus my husband was able to finish the pipes for the central vac, and I found out that a 50-foot hose is overkill. We could probably reach the entire house from one outlet with a 40-foot hose, which is still, according to everybody with any sense, a silly length for a vacuum hose. Apparently 35 feet is the upper limit for a non-silly hose.

In other news, killer bees don't like lawn mowers, and they will kill you over it, and CDs will kill you, too! Well, maybe only if you chew on them, but apparently in combination with our cell phones, we'll be going the way of the Roman Empire any minute.

In all seriousness, the fact that the US government has decided to worry about bisphenol A during this administration kind of freaks me out.

welcome to the desert in April

Today I learned that the humidity around here in the middle of the day is something like 6%. It didn't feel that low, but we've already established that I've lived here long enough to think that 72 F is cold.

In other news, I was preparing to announce that the acacia pollen is really much better now, but with the appearance of the little gray fluff balls on the creosote over the back fence, I can't really tell anymore. The palo verdes just over the ridge are turning yellow now, too, so I think it's going to be an interesting couple of weeks.

tv coma and sake

Today I learned that my husband had never seen Under Siege, and that The Empire Strikes Back, which I found riveting when it came out in 1980, flows like a play on speed, or at least it did on the channel I was watching. I suppose it's possible that it's a terribly cheesy movie, but it's also possible that they couldn't figure out how to cut it and instead ran it at 1.1x normal speed.

Other than that, I learned that some people handle chopsticks better when sake is involved in the problem.

east wind party

Today I learned that if we get the right kind of strong, gusty east wind, since we're just on the west side of a ridge, we don't see it. The phone has been ringing off the hook all day, which is a sure sign that the EI community is feeling crummy, but we're feeling fine. I'd invite everybody over, except everybody reacts to each other, the house, etc., so it wouldn't really help.

In other wind-related news, I got to ride the entire north end of the Fantasy Island trail system for the first time this morning, where I learned that I should not absent-mindedly follow my husband off the jump at the half-pipe, but as usual, crashing really hurts much less than you'd expect.

death by eggs and laundry detergent

Today I learned that eggs will kill doctors! Well, maybe only the old, fat doctors with crummy diets.

In other news, the much-beloved, discontinued Granny's liquid detergent, which appears only in the cupboards of hoarders who stocked up over three years ago and is the holy grail of EI laundry detergents, is my personal kryptonite. I don't think I'll allow that in the house again, much less my washing machine.

a day behind again

Never mind that when I started this blog 2 1/2 years ago, when I was really sick, I never missed a day. Despite the fact that I am now well enough to handle a part-time job, between the job and pollen season, I'm getting behind. So:

Yesterday I learned how much dust one kid on an ATV can kick up just driving in a straight line on a dirt road, not even screwing around. Ok, maybe going faster than a car usually would. Based on what I saw, those things should be banned until they are equipped with little water sprayers to keep the ground on the ground. I totally understand why people think they're fun to ride, but in a part of the world with this much dust and dust pollution, without some kind of dust-management system, they're an irresponsible way to have fun unless it rained sometime recently, but not so recently you can make tracks in mud puddles.

Today I learned that attempting to slide a 50-ft homemade canvas hose sock onto your 50-ft central vac hose is nigh onto impossible. We seem to have lost interest with about six feet left, partially because my husband thinks 50 feet is a stupid length for a central vac hose.

Ok, that was a fine place to end today's post, but I feel obligated to explain that we can get by with a 30-ft hose, but I could reach the whole house from one outlet with the 50-ft hose, and that sounded terribly efficient, which it probably isn't. Ok, done now.

death by kapok and moth, and an elephant

Today I learned that kapok, that fluffy stuff I make pillows and mattresses out of, absorbs oxygen in cargo holds to the extent that it could kill you.

In other news that could kill you, people in Santa Cruz, CA, have been made sick by the aerial pesticide spraying for the light brown apple moth, the larvae of which will eat all our crops. I recognize that having all our crops eaten would suck, but I am so very not surprised that people are getting sick. I am a little surprised it made the newspaper, however.

In extremely related news, the California Department of Food and Agriculture argues that the ingredients in their spray appear in all kinds of personal hygiene and other common products, and as such, should be safe. Their "Consensus Statement on Human Health Aspects" (look under Hot Topics; pdf) is where I learned that butylated hydroxytoluene is a common food preservative, which I find to be another good reason to avoid eating conventional processed foods. I mean, I'm not even a chemist, and when you say 'toluene,' I think 'fume hood.'

In more entertaining news, the Pinnacles appear to be far enough away from places they're spraying that I could go there this summer, and I don't know if this elephant was trained or what, but it paints better than I do.

still sucking at online shopping

Today I learned that you can buy $154 pajama shorts. They're at Neiman Marcus, but still. On the other end of things, you can get a leftover "Jingle Balls" t-shirt in the sleepwear department at Sears for the low, low price of $2.99. In Sears' defense, at least there are pictures of footballs and such on it.

In other news, to go along with having to wait until the inversion layer turns over to use my clothes dryer, I can now ride the part of Fantasy Island that's right near the retired landfill if I stay upwind of it, which only happens after the inversion layer turns over. I'm learning to be not so much of a morning person.

almost a rerun

Yesterday I learned that smoking will only kill you if you're one of those people with the bad smoking gene, which makes it hard to quit, and then you die of cancer. That kind of goes along with what we learned the day before, that vaccines will only hurt some children.

So having accidentally raised that whole argument that sick people are defective and therefore somehow blame-worthy and expendable, which, as a sick person, I take exception to, I decided to go to bed rather than figure out how to rescue this post.

Now that it's morning, I will point out that while my mom has an extremely mild case of what I have, I know some people who are the only sick people in their entire families, which tells you that anybody can get sick given the wrong circumstances, plus that thing where babies and old people are more susceptible to chemicals, and stuff that makes me sick also kills fish and birds and gives your pet cats hyperthyroidism.

more mycotoxins, Jenny McCarthy, and dead fish

Today I learned that if you soak aluminum pie pans in 10% ammonia, they come out all shiny. It appears that this technique may get the mycotoxins out from under the curled-under edge of the pans, but I'm going to sniff them again in the morning to make sure. I guess my problem is that the pie-pan edges seemed fine, but the part of a metal measuring cup where the handle is spot-welded on does not seem to be fine. Ok, so I don't technically need another measuring cup, but I do want to know how to decontaminate knives with similar crannies.

In other news, what she said, and fire retardants kill fish.

wind and rat rakes

Today I learned that in the right situation, wind can be good. Today I actually felt vaguely human when the wind came up and blew away the acacia pollen.

In other news, you can teach rats to use tiny green rakes. Physicists may get to play with liquid nitrogen and shoot stuff with high-powered lasers, but I think biologists have the market cornered when it comes to training small animals to perform silly-sounding stunts.

stinky blue glop and parsnips

Today I learned without making an enormous blue puddle anywhere visible that there is way more blue PVC glue on that little round brushy thing in the glue can than it looks like. Also, I have it from Kansas farm folk that parsnips have to freeze before they taste good.

And for the record, the acacia trees in the neighborhood have been blooming like crazy for either five or seven days now. I hope to be able to record when they stop, and I also hope to not care about this information so much next year.