arm pains, well-fed deer, alcohol, pot, and death in a patch

Today I learned that if you have to go to the store and also need to get in the sauna, both of which require a shower afterwards, you should not attempt to conserve showers by getting in the sauna first, drying yourself off, and then heading to the grocery store. (You can't do it the other way without getting store chemicals in your sauna). By the time I got cleaned up, whatever I'd sweated out had burned my armpit. And in not exactly armpit-related news, if you work out on your rowing machine before you knead pizza dough, kneading can be really tiring.

In newspaper news:

• People besides my uncle have noticed that the deer hang out in the suburbs during hunting season. Also, suburban deer do not have a hunger problem when their numbers increase. They just eat more azaleas.
• The Pentagon parking lots trap drunk drivers.
• You can rent the basement of a shopping mall, but it's not necessarily the best place to plant your marijuana crop.

And nicotine will kill you.