* NEWS FLASH *

(on screen is serious-looking anchor guy; next to him is serious-looking, comically over-sprayed anchor lady)

anchor guy: A Tucson woman narrowly escaped injury this morning while attempting to shower with a bar of Clearly Natural unscented glycerine soap that she bought at Wild Oats yesterday.

(cut to videotape, woman wrapped in towel)

"The chemicals from it gave me heart palpitations," she says. "I had to take a second shower with the sliver of soap I was going to chuck, just to get the smell off."

(back to anchor guy; lady not in picture)

anchor guy: The woman reported that she usually keeps the soap in the back yard for a week or two before she allows it into the house, and that is likely the source of the problem.

(turns to anchor lady, whose hair is probably only eye-catchingly strange if you have been out of the loop, style-wise, for a couple of years)

guy: Well, Sarah, it sounds like she's going to be more careful in the future about airing out her soap.
lady: Yes, John. (looks to the camera) Remember, those chemicals from stores go home with you, so make sure you air out your purchases thoroughly before bringing them into the house.

(anchor lady keels over)

guy (in a panic): Oh sh*t, I think the hairspray finally killed-- (abrupt cut to station identification)