clearing things up

You remember back the day before Thanksgiving when I predicted, based on chemical usage, pollution, and radioactive goat milk, that in fifty years, Connecticut would be inhabited solely by radioactive zombies? It says here that yesterday police found two severed goat heads, a coconut, and a pentagram on someone's driveway. They said that usually things like that are found in the woods, and it's not illegal, but they just want to know what it means.

The cops have not been paying attention. The connection is goats. Goat milk, goat heads; it's obviously the radioactive zombies.

In other news, Lance Armstrong is not guilty of doping. Miss Molly could have told you that because guilty athletes read statements saying they are not guilty. Innocent athletes read similar statements, but when people bug them about it, they say things along the lines of "What the #*&^$ is wrong with you people?"

This rule may only work on athletes, who tend to be a little more aggressive than normal people. I don't think it would work on politicians, but then again, there's not usually much question with them.