left, right, right, and full speed ahead

Today I learned that:

• Nancy Pelosi causes shoplifting and teen sex. The media have been alerted.
• UPS drivers' routes are chosen to eliminate as many left turns as possible.
• Mormons fast the first Sunday of every month, which saves money on food and health care because somehow that results in less heart disease. Except Utah has the highest rate of depression in the US, so it appears that either less heart disease or fasting once a month is depressing.
• If you're a retired race car driver, in just the right situation when you're running late, your skills could come in handy.
• A fellow moldie reported that this one electronics shop that has always made him sick had an actual waterfall in it yesterday during a rainstorm, and it wasn't one of those cute little machines. This could explain a few things.