how hard could it be?

Today I learned that everything I learned this morning seems really boring this evening, probably because I found out the hard way that today was one of those days I should have stayed in the house. Now, by studying the master, Dave Barry, who can take a slightly unusual newspaper article and turn it into something hilarious, I ought to at least be able to squeeze a little humor out of what I found earlier, so let's take a look and see what I have to work with:

• Cigarette taxes got raised in Texas six months ago to take the pressure off property taxes. No one can agree whether the resultant drop in sales is from people quitting or from stockpiling.
• A guy at the Chicago Tribune pointed out that raising gas taxes makes people whine, but it would be less expensive for your average Joe than Congress mandating better gas mileage, which would increase the cost of cars.
• Brad Paisley sings a song about wanting to check a pretty girl for ticks (lyrics) (somebody's homemade video).
• Somebody keeps leaving big bags of poop in a storm drain in Muhlenberg Township, PA.

So it seems pretty obvious that I ought to be working with the poop story, but I'm going to bed.